If you have read the Tao of Equus or Riding Between the Worlds by Linda Kohanov then you will hopefully understand what I'm talking about becoming more sensitive. Being able to sense what people are feeling or just that they are unbalanced in their lives just like horses do.
Horses can pick up if something is not right in your life even if you try and "leave your problems at the gate". They can even pick up on emotions you are hiding from yourself. Its better to acknowledge your emotions and even tell your horse about them.
I did this with Sharlie and Casper all the time when I was going through a really hard time with a boy last year. I would tell Sharlie and Casper everything. Everything from when I first started liking him to when he led me on to when he broke my heart. I told them my anger and frustration. My pain and utter sadness. A few times I didn't tell them everything, and those were some of the worst play sessions of my life.
There are still times now I don't tell them about the different stresses of life. School, camp, friends...life. Those are the times we hit blocks or we get mad at each other.......
Anyway! Back to my point: being more sensitive...
These last few weeks I would get very easily frustrated at Sharlie. If she innocently tried to grab a mouthful of grass I would explode and tell her off. Casper didn't come running to me anymore. He knew how short my temper was. I even got mad at my friends. At one friend for "flaunting her friendship with the boy mentioned above when I can't be friends with him." The part about me not being able to be friends with him anymore is true. But she wasn't showing it off. Another friend I accused her of being fake, lying about being good at everything when she actually isn't. This is completely true. She lives a life of lies. But nobody tells it to her face. I even got mad at a teacher for no apparent reason. (Lets call her Mrs.....*looks around the room*..Mrs. Clock. She will be mentioned again in this post)
I knew something was very wrong. Things at home weren't really that bad...no in fact they were pretty good compared to what they have been before in the past. I knew that could not be the cause. I quickly saught the help of Kara. She would know. She always knew.
I explained to her everything and she told me I was becoming more sensitive! I was starting to pick up on people's emotions or unbalance. (I say unbalance cause its the best way for me to express it in terms of ME understanding. Complicated I know.) And because I am picking up on the unbalance it is causing me to become frustrated, aggravated, annoyed and easily angry.
I believe that part of the reason I have become more sensitive lately is because my self presence has grown somewhat lately. (self presence: living in the moment and enjoying everything in that moment. Who you are, where you are, what you are doing, etc... ) I dyed my hair red (!!), I've been listening to alot of music lately (music brings out a different side of me. I can't really explain it. Its almost like going into my happy place but not quite....) I have been writing quite a bit lately (You can read what I've written here: http://www.wattpad.com/user/julponey ) I was writing the story Ellipsis Blue about Casper and stuff but I got stuck so I decided to write about him. (Guy mentioned above) its been altered, exaggerated and stuff but it sticks to the basic plot and the main events (part of chapter 2 & Chapter 3 for example) are true, but just set in a different enviroment, situation...whatever. I'm getting off point. Review: I dyed my hair red, I have been writing more, I have been listening to alot of music, talking much more openly about Parelli and Natural Horsemanship to people. Also including the "Who cares what people think of me" attitude.
Anywho. My theory is that people with smaller or damaged self presence are attracted to people or animals with more complete or more develloped self presences. Why do you think people are attracted to horses? Horses have no concept of time and live in the moment. And they do enjoy each moment.
So as more people have become attracted to my growing self presence (this is true. Alot of people have joined "my group" my clique, whatever you wanna call it. Alot more people around me that I'm paying attention to.) So the more people I'm paying attention to the more I pick up on their unbalance and scattered emotions.
As it turns out, my friend who was not actually "flaunting" her friendship was going through a hard time at home. Well she had been before and I had known about it but I hadn't SENSED it. She just hid it better but I became more sensitive and I picked up on it. My other friend turned out to be very stressed out over school but was repressing it and covering it up by lying more. I picked up on that too. And Mrs. Clock? Well her one of her kids had become very sick but she couldn't take time off and her husband had just lost his job. See what I mean?
Once Kara explained this to me I suddenly felt at peace. Before, as I was explaining it to her, I was typing at a crazy speed, using a bunch of caps, and just couldn't STOP. Once she explained it and everything clicked together in my mind I suddenly felt very calm. I wanted to go out and see the horses, for the first time in over a week. (Even though this was not possible. It was almost midnight :P )
I was eager to see if my behavior would be more relaxed around the horses. So when I went down on Saturday I was very happily surprised. I went to go hang out with Sharlie and Casper in the field in between parties (remember I work there now. I do pony rides. NOTE- Awesome story about Casper and that) well I sat in the field and they came running to me. Even Casper! I sat under one of the trees and Casper came to stand beside me, for the first time in a very long time. Sharlie sniffed me all over and gently pressed her nose against my chest over my heart. She has only done it three times before. The first was when we completed the 7 games for the first time. The second time was when she eagerly climbed into the trailer for the first time. The third was shortly after my "Step one of Recovery and Redemption" post.
I rode Sharlie out on a trail ride that afternoon with one of the 'cowboys' of the barn and went to go check out the cows. I was slightly nervous as I didn't like to ride with these 'cowboys' and with very good reason. They aren't exactly the smartest bunch. They think running around on their horses like bucking broncos is fun. Luckily Curtis was actually very considerate. He took me out to see his cows. First time Sharlie has ever seen cows. She spooked a bit. Before I would have gotten mad at her. But this was the new, calm me. I just laughed. :)
We trotted back to the barn, all the way. Sharlie kept trying to bolt. (Something wrong with the Theraflex pad but still unsure what) But I didn't get mad. I just kept trying to slow her down. I had to use the reins sadly but all I did was small little half-halts (didn't really work but she didn't go running off so it was sucsessful to some degree)
Casper did a few pony rides for some toddlers at one party and he was pretty good. A little tense except for one little boy* (*will talk about him in the next post) and even when he got a little pushy after the rides and when I rode him around and kept diving for the grass, I didn't get mad. So proud of him. Will go into more detail on both the trailride and casper next post though!
Hope you guys understand what I'm talking bout.